Silence is my biggest enemy that takes me towards non-existence

Imagine you are a talkative person with a lot of friends who listens anxiously to what you talk about, and then just for a couple of minutes say nothing, and then keep your mouth closed for a couple of hours. Do not say anything. Just keep quiet. You may want to say something but you do not. It may be told by someone or you were pushed to do so. Or the situation you have forced you for a silence. How do you feel? Don’t you feel that you do not exist anymore? Don’t you feel that you are no more in this world? Don’t you think that your silence is your end? Isn’t everything meaning less for you in this situation?

Yeah, definitely, when we write, when we speak out, when we shout out and then suddenly we are stopped we are dead then. We are out of breath. And we don’t exist anymore.

And they are true when people say, “If you want to kill a poor person, just stop his earning or livelihood”. “If you want to kill a fish, take it out of water easily” and “if you want to kill a writer break his pen and tear his paper that is it!”, that is how the non – existence begins, very simply.

Exactly as Iqbal Lahoori says “we are like waves and since we have no movements, we do not exist anymore”.

And for me as a talkative person when I am not able to write because of being forced to silence, I am like dead or a moving corpse.

And then when I have the power to break silence, or escape from it I am just to shout, to shout out aloud and say that I still exist. That I am still in movement and I don’t want to give up as long as I am in movement and still can shout and say something.

Good that I recognized my biggest enemy that causes my non - existence and throws my soul out of my body, and when just remains my painful body without any sign of living since there is no sound coming out of it, the silence dancing happily around me laughing for its victory and for my non existence, but I can just see and cant hear anything because f the silence. Then there is nothing remaining in my mind at least to rewind and remind the jingles from past in my mind, because there is no mind to think when there is no soul within me, then how would I expect something inside it when there is no mind at all?

Then every where is black, dark, no I made a mistake, every where is white and light, Oh I again made a mistake, every where is green, no. blue, no. red, no. gray, no. then what?!
I told you when I am silent the soul is out of my body and I have no mind, no sound and nothing in me how would I distinguish and understand the colors, but on that time, everything is like something meaningless, colorless and without any sense, that is the feeling I have when I am forced to be silent.

There was a time in the past when I had a lot of pains and sorrows then I relied on silence and went to it for a relieve, it was different then, but now is the time not to refer to silence anymore, after I found out that the silence leads me towards non existence, and when refereeing to it by myself, I make an unforgettable mistake if I again go to silence.
And since I got to know this secret about my relation with silence, I will never let it come to me again in any situation, this is the latest oath that I am taking with myself.
I write you all these, because for a time, I was silent and I didn’t write anything for the readers.

And you too, do not keep silent when it is not thuoghtful and purposeful.